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Arrived Shenzhen, so did the rain
Maybe because of the rain, the sky looks quite low, and blue

I kind of yearn the spring and autumn in Beijing, where in the spring, the catkins flying all the way in the sky makes me feel sort of absentminded; while in the autumn, the big trees in the suburbs begin to drop their leaves without a seemingly end, the poetic imagery in it can get me excited with goose bumps.

On my way to Beijing after my graduation, the imagination in my mind involved Xuwei, The zero band, the Shuimu, the wide flat field, the straight road with very tall trees on its banks and all the other exciting things. But only after lived there for some time, i realized the only things near me are the trees and roads.

Now I like Guangzhou more. After been to some cities, Guangzhou is the first one get me realized that I begin to like a city where has warm weather, relatively free atmosphere and a seemingly closer distance to the outside world.

There are some people you don't usually remember of, but only when you are upset. I remember one of my friend once told me that I looked transparent. I begin to yearn the transparent me because I find myself on the edge of losing that character and about to become opaque.

Wangfeng's songs are good, but they are a bit too passionately for me. Guess I need the peace in Xuwei's songs more. I can hear the blue, the sorrow, the confusing, the compassion, the peace, the gratitude, the poetry in his songs, and they comfort me indeed when it's been flop days.

I often came to plan a guitar tutorial, and to sit singing those songs which can give people peace, warm and strength in a corner of a park, or under a overpass. But it always seems no chance to be done, or maybe it will never be done.

Some writer(maybe Romain Rolland) once said, at some age of a human, there must be a time for one to "spit" all the customs/values he received during one's grow up.Looks like I am on the way he described as I begin to observe and doubt myself. I thought I am a man with faith, thought I could be different. But I found I am not a special one at all, instead a very ordinary people indeed, with all the flaws anyone else could have.

Feeling I am losing my faith, and also feeling guilty and self-loathing for it. Why it happens? Because the one I used to be is much too naive, or the me I am now is too stupid?

Maybe these doubts should be told to a priest, and then anticipate him to forget them all after a simple turn around.

A song in my head:
Xuwei - Present: Hope I am, a present of your life, when the happiness come to my mind, in a flash of moment, I want you to be beside me, to share that moment together

English

Comments

Great deep piece Exoool.

Really appreciate it :)

I still remember how I wrote this blog in Zhihui Yu's living room while chatting with his roommate who is "curious" with my job and salary. My mind back then was split into two worlds. One about real life, one emotions.
Life goes on anyhow anyway, and I am glad I loved it, and still in love with it, a slightly different way though.

So I know I gotta enjoy everyday, and hopefully my surroundings can get good from it thus.

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